Before You Celebrate That Offer, Ask This One Question
Before You Celebrate That Offer, Ask This One Question
We’ve all seen the posts.
“Blessed to receive my 10th offer.”
The photo shoot. The school logo. The athlete posing like they just signed an NBA contract.
It’s become a whole production and for parents, it’s hard not to feel that mix of pride and pressure. You start to wonder, “Should my child be posting too? Are we falling behind?” The group chats start buzzing, and suddenly everyone’s counting who has what.
But here’s the truth most families don’t find out until it’s too late: not every offer is real.
Sometimes, what’s being celebrated online isn’t an official offer at all it’s a conversation, a compliment, or a coach expressing interest. It feels big in the moment, but without clarity, that “offer” can disappear just as quickly as it came.
Where Parents Get Caught Up
Parents, especially those walking this journey for the first time, often see the word offer and breathe a sigh of relief. It feels like confirmation that all the years of club fees, travel weekends, and personal sacrifices were worth it. You start to think, “We’re in.”
But college recruiting isn’t that simple anymore. Between the transfer portal, older players taking extra eligibility, and schools tightening scholarship numbers, coaches are using the word “offer” in ways that don’t always match what families think it means.
A coach might say, “We’d love to have you in our program,” or “You’ve got a spot here if everything works out.” That sounds promising and emotionally, it feels like a yes but in recruiting language, that’s interest. Not commitment.
Until you ask directly if it’s committable, it’s just talk.
What an ‘Offer’ Means Depends on Where You Are
This is where many families get tripped up. The meaning of an offer shifts depending on your athlete’s stage in the process.
If your athlete is a freshman or sophomore, early offers are usually just that early. They’re about building a relationship, not locking in a spot. Coaches are saying, “We see potential, but we need to watch how you develop.” Those offers can change or disappear as rosters evolve.
By junior year, offers start to take shape. Coaches have seen enough to make real evaluations, but many of these are still verbal not yet backed by paperwork. They’re testing interest levels on both sides.
When your athlete becomes a senior, that’s when committable offers matter most. This is the moment to confirm what’s real. If a coach tells your athlete they can accept the offer today and the program will stop recruiting that position, that’s committable. Anything less is still conversation.
Understanding where your athlete stands discovery, evaluation, offer, or decision phase helps you respond wisely instead of emotionally. It also keeps your family from mistaking attention for opportunity.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
In today’s world of social media highlights and NIL deals, perception has power. Kids are being raised in an environment where visibility can look like validation. When every post seems to show another athlete “collecting offers,” it creates a false sense of progress.
The truth is, there are athletes right now with 10 “offers” online who don’t have a single committable one. And there are others, quieter families, who never post a thing but have real opportunities waiting because they asked the right questions behind the scenes.
Recruiting is no longer about collecting schools like trophies. It’s about confirming what’s real and aligning it with your athlete’s goals, academics, and character.
Do This Today
Sit down with your athlete and list every school that’s reached out. Then ask one question for each: Can my child commit to this offer today if they said yes?
If the answer isn’t clear, that’s your cue to follow up. Have your athlete reach out to the coach directly not you, not their trainer, not a friend. A short, respectful message can give your family the clarity you need.
If the coach avoids the question or gives a vague answer, that’s your answer too. The programs that truly want your athlete will be direct, specific, and clear about their intentions.
Perspective for the Long Game
At the end of the day, the goal isn’t to win the “offer count.” It’s to find the right fit.
One committable offer that aligns with your child’s academics, development, and mental well-being is worth more than a dozen that were never real in the first place.
Every family wants that big, public moment. But the smartest families play for longevity, not likes.
Before you celebrate, just make sure the opportunity you’re cheering for is one your athlete can truly claim. Because in this game, clarity beats hype every single time.
